Robin Swoboda: Apartment dwelling dreams - Lifestyle - Akron Beacon Journal
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Robin Swoboda: Condo dwelling desires – Way of life – Akron Beacon Journal

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Dwelling the remainder of my life in a one-bedroom condominium is trying fairly good to me as of late.

My struggle with the squirrels continues, and I assumed I blew up my lawnmower. These aren’t issues one has whereas residing in an condominium, I cause.

To start with, I not too long ago discovered that you simply not solely put oil in your automotive, however you place oil in your lawnmower, too. I really feel that is akin to the time I used to be a youngster and my $600 VW Beetle stop working. My dad requested me the craziest query.

“Did you place water within the battery?”

‘Huh?’

“You’re supposed to place water within the battery.”

‘I didn’t even realize it had a battery.’

“After all it has a battery. Each automotive has a battery.”

‘Then why haven’t I ever seen it?’

“It’s below the again seat.”

‘Huh?’

Ever since then, I’ve been suspicious about something that has an engine and I solely strategy them on a “must know” foundation.

After I purchased a used lawnmower from a pal final yr he stated, “Be sure to examine the oil sometimes and put some in when it will get too low.”

I remembered his phrases not too long ago when my grass was too excessive and I used to be laboring a lot too laborious to chop it. I used to be practically horizontal as I pushed it by way of the yard.

“Possibly it wants oil,” I stated to nobody, besides perhaps the squirrels and ticks that infest the timber and bushes round me.

I’ll spare you the story of how I discovered what sort of oil to make use of, however, suffice it to say, when you go artificial you possibly can by no means return.

After I emptied the bottle, I went again to mowing. It nonetheless wasn’t any simpler to push, however now I hear a effervescent, hissing sound that was adopted by nice plumes of black smoke. I shut it down solely to comprehend I hadn’t put the oil cap again on appropriately, and the oil was spewing out in all places.

After I completed cleansing up the mess and getting some counseling from a pal, I as soon as once more began the mower, which was nonetheless laborious to push. To anybody who could have been watching, I regarded like a lineman utilizing a kind of soccer sleds.

By the point I used to be accomplished, my face was redder than a cease signal, and I regarded like I might have simply gotten out of a swimming pool. That’s when a pal stopped by, checked out me then regarded on the mower and stated: “The self-propelling belt slipped off. Oh, and also you’ve obtained method an excessive amount of oil in there.”

Condo folks don’t have these issues.

Nor have they got squirrel issues. Two weeks in the past, I wrote about my battle with the squirrels. I acquired many concepts, however my favourite, in addition to placing a Slinky on the shepherd’s hook, was masking the pole with petroleum jelly.

I popped in a Greenback Normal the place I purchased some, together with just a few different gadgets. Would you consider that the world is so loopy proper now that nobody raised an eyebrow as I positioned petroleum jelly, latex gloves and zip ties on the conveyor belt?

As soon as dwelling, I used to be most gleeful as I envisioned these little squirrels sliding down that pole. The truth is, I grabbed the large jar and ran straight to the yard.

Ripping the lid off, I grabbed a hand full and cackled as I performed what could be a viral video in my head. I feel I put myself in a petroleum jelly trance as a result of the thicker the layer grew to become, the higher my imagined video grew to become, too. The apex was successful the massive jackpot on “America’s Funniest Dwelling Movies.”

All completed and really pleased with myself, it was then that one thing dawned on me.

I couldn’t get again in my home. I had used each fingers, which have been now lined in a really thick layer of petroleum jelly. I couldn’t have turned a knob if my life trusted it.

I didn’t wish to rub it off on my garments since I had no thought whether or not it will stain. So I rubbed some off on my arms, my calves, my face, my hair and after I nonetheless couldn’t flip the knob, I rubbed the remainder of it off on some Lilly of the Valley leaves.

That was just a few days in the past. Now I’ve supple pores and skin, shiny hair and a few useless crops, however I’ve but to see one squirrel slide down that pole.

Within the meantime, I hope squirrels don’t have their very own TV present, “Individuals Do the Weirdest Issues.”